It has been a year since I was diagnosed with SPVC (supraventricular premature contraction). I’ve been reading on the internet about other people with similar cases, and I am often surprised by how many people with varying ages and occupations have been diagnosed with similar conditions, albeit with varying degrees of intensities. Other people report worrisome symptoms like contractions every 5 heartbeats or so, feeling as if their hearts are on a roller-coaster ride. I think I got it easy. I mostly don’t even feel the contractions, most especially when my concentration is focused on something else. Nevertheless, for now I still make it a point to stay away from heavy physical activities like running or jogging. I don’t know if that will make things worse for me, and believe me, I would rather not find out.

The most important thing that I learned, over the year, is that mostly this is a mind-over-body play. Or a mind-over-heart play, if you will. The premature contractions are here to stay, whether I like it or not. But I also learned that if I make it a point to feel my pulse everytime or listen to my heart beat while quietly lying down, my senses become more acutely aware and it does seem as if the beats are becoming much stronger than usual. But if I just ignore them, everything feels as normal as ever. It has not diminished my capacity or performance in any way, so really, why worry about it?

I’ve been reassured that while it is untreatable, it is not life-threatening in the absence of any heart diseases. Of course, I don’t have the assurance that it will not become any worse as I get older, but for now that is certainly the least of my worries.

I find it rather amusing that people who have the same conditions refer to themselves as “sufferers,” as in “PVC (premature ventricular contraction) sufferers,” or “PAC (premature atrial contraction) sufferers.” Healthy individuals suffer only in the sense that their mind takes the mental blow of worrying each time a heartbeat goes out of whack.

There’s only one word of advice I can give to others out there: stop listening to your heart; listen to your mind. A perfectly normal lifestyle is not impossible. The only true suffering that we would end up experiencing is when we are bogged down by needless worries and anxieties. Let the heart beat its way; as for yourself, celebrate life and live to the fullest!

After all, we only have one life to live. It’s our choice.

I’ve recently upgraded my browser to IE7 – and admittedly, it’s made my browsing experience much more manageable and less worrying (for now). Actually, I wasn’t really interested in upgrading until the other day, when one of the websites I opened suddenly spewed popup messages about a certain DriveCleaner software attempting to scan my computer. Said software offered to scan my computer and remove all traces of adult porn sites that I’ve visited. What porn sites? Hello? Good thing that my Symantec antivirus automatically detected it as a security risk and promptly quarantined the malicious software.

Back to IE7. Here are some of the reasons why users would benefit by upgrading their IE version to 7: first off, streamlined interface. Gone are the menu bars including File, Edit, etc. Next is tabbed browsing – you’re gonna love tabbed browsing. With it, you can open multiple websites in a single window. Plus, it allows you to see thumbnail images of all open tabs in a single view! It is also possible to organize multiple tabs into a single tab group and save it as a favorite. Next, there is a new search box which you can customize – you can set a particular search engine (like Yahoo! or Google) to use when doing a search. It has made life much easier for me. I’ve been using Yahoo! toolbar for quite some time now, but since I am also using Google to do web searches, I had been contemplating on installing a Google toolbar as well. Well, now that I’ve installed IE7, I don’t need either toolbar anymore.

Other features which I haven’t tried yet, but are also incorporated into the current IE7 version: RSS feeds, automatically shrinking of text so all webpage content fits on your final printed page. And for those who are concerned about protection against malicious software, fraudulent websites and online phishing scams, IE7 has incorporated various tools against these. In IE7’s toolbar, you can set the popup blockers and phishing filters ON in order to protect yourself from these evils. In the Tools menu, you can see enable or disable add-ons for the browser. Imagine our surprise when in our home PC we found out that there is an eXact Advertising add-on in our IE browser, that has been making logs of all our search keywords without our knowledge! As to how we got that malicious software hacking into our browser, we could only guess. It has now been disabled, thanks to IE7.

Well there you have it. Need I say more? 🙂

Someone wise and older told me recently, “You are either No.1 or you are nobody.” I have mulled on this for a long time. I still am. But I have to agree that although that it’s a pretty harsh condition to impose on oneself, it does help in defining one’s perspectives in life.

I’ve been reading a lot of stories on the internet lately, about Filipinos who have succeeded in their chosen professions, careers, and businesses. I am both awed and humbled. And I am sure that their stories have been carefully chosen by the media people. It does make for good material – how they succeeded, how they managed to achieve their goals despite all odds, etc. The only catch is that most of them are Filipinos who are currently living abroad – it’s as if they could only have succeeded *because of* and not *despite of* living outside the Philippines. It sends a message to the readers that the greener pastures are “out there.”

But there is something that is frequently brought to the readers’ attention as well, and quoted so frequently that it simply grates the eyes: “The first Filipino”…to do this, to do that. It’s so much like the hype over the first Filipino who climbed Mt. Everest. Many people have been climbing Mt. Everest for God knows how long. It is already common knowledge that many people of various nationalities have already conquered the mountain. But do we really need to emphasize on the individual’s nationality? Does being a Filipino make someone any better at climbing mountains? Are we so hard up for recognition that we will seek each individual achievement as a boost to national pride? These achievements do not make up for the nation’s downward spiral towards chaos, graft and corruption, and moral disintegration.

Just yesterday I read about someone who was the first Filipino woman to graduate from some school in the States. Sorry, not just some school. A prestigious school – it just so happened that I’ve never heard of it until now. But who cares? Does anybody bother to know who the first Filipino Harvard graduate was? I rest my case.

This has become some sort of joke between me and Baggy. I told him, hey, YOU are the first and only Filipino in Grid Technology Center (and I know this to be a fact because the center has only been around for as long as I have been in Tsukuba, and I practically know all Filipinos who have ever been employed in our institute). And I could be the first Filipino woman who ever attended the applied superconductivity conference in Europe (though I have no way to verify this). The point is, if that sounds outright ridiculous to you, then you understand what I’m driving at.

There is nothing wrong with praising Filipino achievements, even if the individuals happen to be true-blooded Pinoys, Filipino-Americans, Filipino-Canadians, or Filipino-Timbuktuans. True recognition can never come from our own ranks, but from the rest of the world. We must not just show them that “Filipinos can do that, too” but that “Filipinos can do it better than you.” *We must be trailblazers on our own, not just followers or imitators.*

Originality has never been our forte. But it is never too late to change that. This is a challenge to every Filipino out there.

Aya loves watching cartoons on tv. Powerpuff Girls is one of her favorite shows on Cartoon Network. When we were in Cebu, she insisted on buying a pink backpack with a Powerpuff Girls design. At the daycare, she has formed a sort of alliance with two other girls and called themselves the Powerpuff Girls of the Yuri class. Aya is Bubbles, Natsumi-chan is Blossom, and Niku-chan is Buttercup. I myself grew up watching Scooby-Doo and other Hanna-Barbera cartoons, and while the storylines aren’t probably not any different from the cartoons of today, but in my opinion, they are at least better drawn. The Powerpuff Girls are outrageously eerie-looking. Consider this: They have saucer-shaped eyes, which occupy at least half their faces, and get this, they DON’T have any fingers or toes! Gaaah!

If only we could have a little bit of Chemical X to perk up our boring personalities.

Aya loves those weird-looking gals nonetheless. Actually, come to think of it, once you get used to the weirdness, the plots are actually quite engaging. Even the dialogues contain enough sarcasm to appease the more mature audience. Anyway, one day Aya brought home one of her doodles from the daycare. It was a bottle with an “X” on it. When I asked her about it, she shrugged and said a matter-of-factly, “Chemical X.” Of course. What else could it be? 😛

For those who are worried that maybe all that Aya has learned of late are just cartoons and tv, no – there is absolutely no reason for concern. For your information, Aya is steadily working on developing her writing skills. She has already learned to write many letters of the alphabet. And she can already read three-letter words like “car,” “mat,” etc. For the past few weeks we have been making progress with the workbook for preschoolers. On every task she finishes, she insists on getting a 100% mark – and don’t you dare not give it to her because she knows that she deserves it for a job well done! Now that’s our Ayapuffgirl! 😀

A, B, C?, D?, E, F, H – ok she missed G there. But what the heck is PbE “(heart) loves” AYA? Aya said that the block thing at the bottom is chocolate. Mmm. Makes you wonder what a four-year old is thinking about hearts and chocolates.

Aya came home one day and excitedly recited to us the following:

Jugemu-jugemu
Gokōnosurikire
Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu
Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu
Kūnerutokoroni-sumutokoro
Yaburakōjino-burakōji
Paipopaipo-paiponoshūringan
Shūringanno-gūrindai :Gūrindaino-ponpokopīno-ponpokonāno
Chōkyūmeino-chōsuke
寿限無寿限無
五劫の擦り切れ
海砂利水魚の　水行末
雲来末　風来末
食う寝る処に住む処
やぶら小路のぶら小路
パイポパイポ　パイポのシューリンガン
シューリンガンのグーリンダイ
グーリンダイのポンポコピーのポンポコナーの
長久命の長助

I’ve heard of the “Jugemu” being chanted on NHK’s program, “Nihonggo de Asobo,” a children-oriented program that aims to introduce the young viewers to the rich (ok, exotic) world of the Japanese language. The chant is so long and usually spoken very fast, that I find it rather difficult to memorize. Well, maybe except for the “ponpokopino, ponpokonano” bit. It sort of glides on the mouth. The weird thing is that the whole chant doesn’t really make any sense. Aya just memorized the words without paying any attention to the meaning. Does “supercalifragilistic expialidocious” mean anything? But then, it’s not even that long compared to “Jugemu.”

According to the story, Jugemu blah-blah-blah was actually a name given to a boy by a father who consulted a priest about names. The father ended up combining all the names in the list given to him by the priest. By the way, aren’t Thais also famous for using rather long names?

The thing is, Aya has already mastered this seemingly tongue-twister and would happily demonstrate it to anyone who cared to listen. Man, she’s only four years old, and she’s spewing Japanese at us like it was her mother tongue. Well, she actually started talking at a relatively early age. Oh, did I forget to mention that she also speaks Tagalog fluently? We are currently teaching her to speak English, and thanks to her Tita Lai (who takes care of exposing her to American twang), Aya is now also speaking English, with an American twang to boot :). No, she is not confused about these languages at all. Children are much more flexible, and arguably better at learning languages than adults!

On a fun note, in the meantime I’m trying to memorize the whole Jugemu bit so I can show off that I can chant as fast as the kids do. Gambarimasu.

One of Dad’s favorite quotes from the Bible is this: Teach a child on the way that he should go, so that when he grows up he will not depart from it (this is paraphrased; this is probably from Proverbs, but I forgot the actual passage.). When we were children, he taught us zealously and often reminded us that when it’s finally our turn to be parents, we should teach the same to our children. Here are a few things that I learned from this great man.

Lesson No. 1: Learn to trust in God
Dad made me remember Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct your paths.” I never forgot that verse. Whenever we found ourselves in dire times (and there was a lot of those times indeed), Dad would always remind us that the things that happen to us happen for a reason. We may not see God’s purpose immediately, but trusting Him is a far easier than tossing and turning in the night in anxiety.

Lesson No. 2: Never let failure make you give up
Dad was a jack of all trades. He experimented with a lot of businesses, and many of them failed. For some reason, failure never made him give up; he kept trying and trying. As I grew older I began to understand why he failed in most of those endeavors; sometimes he aimed too high and failed to sustain interest in one thing for a long time. But I admired his perseverance. I’ve never met anyone more stubborn.

Lesson No. 3: Always do your best
I know, this oft-repeated phrase is nothing new. But there’s an interesting anecdote about this, something that I still vividly remember after all these years. Dad pushed me hard to excel in school, and I tried every way I could to meet his expectations. He encouraged me to aim for the top in every competition, and that any other place below that was simply unacceptable. No other place was good enough except for the first place. Anyway, one day I came home from school feeling so low and depressed because I didn’t win in a contest (if I remember right, it was a science quiz in elementary). Hearing about my sad report, Dad lovingly embraced me and asked, “Did you do your best?” As I nodded, he told me that it was the only thing that matters. To this day I can never forget that incident.

We can’t always win all our battles, but we can always do our best. In the end the only person we have to compete with is ourselves.

Lesson No. 4: Learn to fight alone
Dad loved boxing, and he often likened his life to being a fighter on the ring. The crowds on the side may cheer, the manager can holler his instructions, but the fighter will be alone to meet his opponent on the ring. When I was in Yamagata trying to fight boredom and depression wrought about by the winter season and loneliness, he wrote me to remind me that being alone is everyone’s business. Learn to fight on your own, and never depend on anyone else to fight for you.

In the end, Dad fought his own battles against his own body, and remained defiant until his very last breath.

Everytime I reflect on Dad’s life, I feel refreshed and seemingly renewed with a second wind (like a boxer, haha). I can only hope and pray, that when it is Aya’s turn to reflect on my life, that she will likewise find the same inspiration and strength.

I love singing. For those who didn’t know, I earned the nickname “Material (Science) Girl” because I like singing Madonna’s songs on the karaoke. I don’t know if I had an uncanny similarity to M’s singing, but for some reason people loved it when I sing “La Isla Bonita.” Well, the Material Girl became a Material Mom, and my trips to the karaoke room became fewer as my motherly duties increased. And besides, Baggy does not like karaokes very much; it’s just no fun singing alone, d’oh!

Ooh la la. They’ve upgraded the system, and I didn’t even know it. This song’s for Aya.

And so it’s been a while since I’ve been inside a karaoke room. Fortunately, though, my li’l sister Lai is now staying with us – and ever since she arrived, she has been insisting on going to karaoke. Well, we finally had our chance last Monday, which happened to be a holiday here in Japan. We took Aya along, of course, because we might as well train her to love singing this early if we ever want to go karaokeing with her when she grows up. Baggy had to tag along too, para naman may audience kami hahaha. 😛

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the making of a diva.

When the staff ushered us to our room, she asked us if we need some help with the controls. Hello? This is like the nth time for me to go karaokeing in this establishment. Confident that I was already familiar with the controls, I politely declined. Much to my surprise, though, the remote controller was not working. I tried the usual keys, but no dice. I flipped through the printed volume but found out that the arrangements are entirely different. I couldn’t even locate where the English songs are. Defeated, I called the staff and asked her to come back. As it turned out, they are now using new controllers for the karaoke system. Instead of the usual remote controls (like the ones used for tvs), they are now using these digital touch-pads controls where you can search songs and singers in a zap! Songs are reserved through these controls, and one can even surprise others by reserving a song in “secret!” Has it been that long since I’ve gone to karaoke? How long has it been since they’ve upgraded their system? At any rate, it was a happy surprise. Thanks to technology, our karaoke experience is much more stress-free and we can enjoy those extra minutes afforded by the ease of control.

Karaoke fees are much higher during nighttime, where most of the customers flock. But since we went there in the afternoon, the fees were lower. We only had to pay 200 yen per person per hour. We booked the room for two hours, so that’s only 400 yen per person. As expected, we ended up with hoarse voices (after all that screaming, what do you expect?). Others get to unload by doing sports, shopping, or eating. We get to do that by singing our hearts out.

Can’t wait for the next karaoke trip. Even Material Moms have to unload every once in a while, you know. 🙂

October is one of my favorite months of the year – every year on a personal basis I “celebrate” the very first day I came to Tsukuba (October 3, 1999). Why? It’s because so many wonderful things happened to my life ever since I came to Tsukuba. I love it here. I can’t imagine living elsewhere (except for my beloved Pinas, of course). Seven years whizzed by so quickly. This is home.

Anyway, almost one month of no blog…where have I been hiding lately? Right here at my desk, with piles of paperwork and data crunching work, while juggling experiments in such frenzied pace. Just gave a presentation early this afternoon – and now my mind’s just blank and simply refuses to churn. I need to blog to let off some steam.

Our turbopump’s wheezing like an asthmatic, and the manufacturer has already cautioned us not to put off overhauling any longer. Considering that I’ve been getting really damn good results lately, this is really, really bad news. The overhaul itself will take about 1.5 to 2 months – imagine, they have to send the pump all the way to Germany! Why can’t they do that here in Japan?!! That’s too long a period to spend idly while I’m in the middle of something “hot.” Sometimes filmmaking is really akin to black magic – sometimes it works almost amazingly, you wonder what exactly happened to the concoction of plasma, ablated species, hot temperature and all that oxygen gas you put together to make a wonder film. I wish I could have more of these moments. Heaven knows I’ve been pounding on that PLD system for 5 long years now; I get nice results once in a while, but never have I been on an experimental “high” for an extended period of time. Not like this!!! Why can’t I have more results like this!

Other concerns: patent (oh yeah baby!); papers; conferences (there’s one at the end of this month). Aya’s sportsfest. Aya needs new clothes because she’s outgrown most of her autumn-season clothes. Baggy’s upcoming move to a new work (don’t leave meeee!).

On top of it all, I want a freakin’ new hairdo!

Yesterday we were jolted out of our daily humdrum of activities by a telephone call from one of Baggy’s colleagues. It came sooner than we expected. All of a sudden, we found ourselves staring again at the old familiar problem facing couples who are pursuing dual-careers. Careers, mind you, not work. We consider ourselves very, very lucky to be working in the same institute, practically seeing each other every day and eating lunch together at the cafeteria. Heck, we even take afternoon coffee breaks together – but I digress.

We know it’s too good to last, and we have wisely prepared ourselves for the inevitable. Sacrifices must be made in view of a higher goal, blah blah blah and all that crap. We know, though, that Baggy didn’t come all the way from Osaka to join us here in Tsukuba only to leave us again. We have to set a limit somewhere. Anywhere accessible by train within a two-hour commute is acceptable. That may be ludicrous for some people, but they probably haven’t tried riding the shinkansen from Tsukuba to Tokyo to Osaka, only to head back to Tsukuba within the same day because of a frantic call from an equally frantic wife because their daughter had to be rushed to the doctor. Never again.

I sometimes think of how much easier it would be if there was only one of us pursuing a career. What if I were the regular okaasan at home. Husband changes job and moves elsewhere – no problemo. Just pack up and leave. No ties to severe, no juggling of work duties, no hassles. Get pregnant every other year until menopause and raise a dozen rowdy kids.

Yes, how much easier it would be to just sit idly at home in between household chores and wait for the husband and kids to come home at the end of the day. I can watch tv for a change. I can knit and sew, watch my fat ass grow and bake cookies all day long. I can devote 24/7 attention to all of my children, no exceptions.

In my dreams, sure, but not in “this” lifetime.

As the old adage goes, there’s nothing constant except change, and the only inevitable thing is death. We gotta do what we gotta do while there’s breath left in us.

Life is so damn easy when you know all the answers. If you did, wouldn’t life be so boring?

I’m currently sitting inside the Top of the Hilton restaurant, which is, well, literally at the top of the Hilton hotel (what a no-brainer eh?). But at this height I have a magnificent view of the emerald blue Eliott Bay as well as downtown Seattle. The “full” American breakfast costs 12.95 dollars, but what the heck, I figured that it is only about 1,000 yen or so. For that amount I get three eggs cooked the way I want it, my choice of sausage, ham or bacon, orange juice, coffee, toast, and a piece of fruit. Mmm, hmm. All that grease is gonna get me high through my morning. Plus I get complimentary wireless internet. In Japan the most I could get is probably a piece of salmon, rice and miso soup with twice that amount. And I tell you, the way my tummy is sticking out, I’ve got more than my full share of breakfast for today. Enough to last me until dinner, I hope. I’ve got a poster presentation this afternoon, so I thought it would be a good idea to recharge my batteries while I have the chance.

That’s a full American breakfast indeed! Lots of grease and fat. Yummy.

Yesterday I attended the banquet, which supposedly costs 75 dollars per person. The registration fee (a whopping 695$) covers the banquet for a full conference participant like me, but the way the government system goes nowadays, I will not get the whole amount refunded because the banquet fee will be substracted from it (thanks a lot, bureaucrats!). I thought that it would be such a waste if I didn’t at least get my dinner’s worth. It was a little disappointing, though, that all we got for dinner was a piece of salmon (no pun intended), a piece of cheesecake, and lots of booze (which I didn’t really enjoy). I did my conversion again, and was aghast to realize that the whole affair costed me about 8400 yen.

I was also able to visit the famous Space Needle (I have an unobstructed view of it from my window here right now), paid 14 bucks to get to the top. Baggy told me that I would have had a free ride to the top if I had eaten at the revolving restaurant, for a lunch of about 30 dollars (3600 yen? No thank you.). But I’m the hopeless omiyage shopper, so I ended up splurging more than a hundred dollars on souvenir items at the gift shop at the bottom of the Space Needle.

Anyway, yesterday, like today’s, was perfect weather, you know, cloudless blue skies and the sun was out in full force. I have no plans of going anywhere else in Seattle, so I might as well have a taste of its famous landmark. The rest of the park in the Seattle center is blah. I thought I would be spending the rest of my morning there, but as it turned out, boredom got the better of me and I found myself back in my hotel room less than four hours later. And that includes an hour or so of walking!

Just 48 more hours to go, and I’ll be home sweet home.