I was surprised to find out that the photo of the women’s networking lunch I participated in last ASC has been posted at the website of the Cryogenic Society of America. You may find the link here. The photo was taken using my camera, that’s why my name is included there. You’ll have to scroll down to the middle of the page to find it. Be patient. It’s really there. I’m the second one from the left. 🙂

Out of the 1,000 plus participants in the conference, only a handful of women participated in the networking lunch. This reflects the disproportionate number of women who work in this field compared to men. Nevertheless, I felt honored to be one of them. We came from different countries: US, Australia, Finland, Taiwan, etc. We were asked to introduce ourselves to the group. When I introduced myself, I began by saying, “Hi, my name is Katherine, and I come from the Philippines…” Feeling nasa beauty pageant. I had to repress the urge to do a “I can feel it!” flip of my hair ala Alice Dixson (gosh, who still remembers that shampoo commercial?!!).

Of course, I represent Japan because that’s where I live and work, but inevitably, I also represent my country of origin because first and foremost, I am a Filipino. Can’t you tell from the name? 🙂

This brings to mind one of the essays I wrote for Philippines Today , right after I got married and before Aya came into our lives (and wreaked havoc, har har har). Notice the feisty tone in my esay. Sino ba kalaban ko rito? I was so piqued at some article I read at PDI (Philippine Daily Inquirer), I just had to write my own thoughts on the matter. What I didn’t know then, was that if you add children to the equation, everything really becomes chaotic. Balancing a career with family is never an easy task, and never one that must be taken lightly.

Of Women and Their Roles
published July 2001

A husband proudly announced to his wife: “Honey, you don’t have to be just a mother and housewife. I’m 100% behind you picking up a career.” “Really?!!” the wife replied, eyes awestruck and already dreaming. “Yes, sweetheart. I’m making you my banker. I will deposit money on you, and make withdrawal transactions whenever necessary. You’ll be my accountant, auditor, treasurer, secretary, even fashion designer! And of course, you will pick the clothes I will wear!” My, the choices we women are faced with! Some twenty years ago we can at least imagine the same woman rolling her eyes and looking at her husband incredulously. Some fifty years ago a woman in the same situation would probably just resign herself to her so-called fate: the triple “M” horror combination: manganak, magluto, at magdasal. And need I add, “magpakamartir“!

Everybody agrees that being an outstanding mother and wife is a great achievement. We cannot praise them enough, the pillars of our society and home. But let’s not overly focus on these roles as if they were the sole reasons for the existence of women on this planet. The issue is not whether one dodges the roles of being a mother and a wife; these roles are inevitable (unless physiologically incapable, of course) once a woman decides to enter marriage life. The question is what else they could be, inspite of being mothers and wives.

The other day I was much chagrined after reading an article in an online newspaper. In it the author claimed to be an alternative feminist, being someone who follows the “natural laws” and the “supernatural laws” ordained for women. It has definitely struck a note in me, as I have recently gotten married and am now at the brink of making decisions about motherhood and family upbringing. I have chosen to devote my life to the sciences and made it a point to get my graduate degree before marrying; I have planned my life ahead in preparation for the various roles I would have to fulfill when I do get married. I have also jumpstarted my career by finding employment at a respectable institute, even now that I have gotten married. It is perhaps a major factor that the man I married is also as fervently driven into his career as I am, but he doesn’t think that I am in any way inferior. Instead he considers me as an equal, a colleague. Certainly, matters would have been different had he insisted that we get married in a hurry, have babies, and raise a family while at the point of pursuing our studies. I could very well just kiss my career goodbye.

It is in our biological design, as females, to carry the task of childbearing-there is absolutely nothing we can do to change that. But society has defined the roles for us as well: the tasks of caring for the child and family became the woman’s responsibility, on the other hand her husband fulfilled the breadwinner role in the family. Somehow it created a sort of harmony, a clear-cut definition of roles. It was as thus practiced in society, for a considerable length of time probably since the Stone Ages, that it has almost become perfectly acceptable to think that these roles are but natural and gender-defined. Almost. But as many modern families have already exhibited, these roles may actually be reversed. We now see women wearing the pants in the family, thriving in their professional careers while men took on non-traditional tasks like sharing the responsibility for the housekeeping and child-rearing, even taking on jobs that do not require them to leave home. Women do not have to carry the traditional roles any more than men do; modern women (although not all of them) have now realized that there are options to choose from. Giving up an ambition in order to raise a family is a noble sacrifice-but why does it have to be the woman’s choice? What “natural” law has ordained us to be homemakers but not lawmakers? We don’t have to satisfy ourselves with an office job, working as clerks for male bosses when we are equally capable of performing administrative tasks. We don’t have to relegate ourselves to merely supporting partners behind successful men when we could also discover paths to our own fulfillment and achievement. There are choices available to the women of today, but clearly, the struggle is far from over.

It is precisely the kind of thinking as propagated in our culture that severely cramps women to go forward and take charge of their lives. A woman is not hired for work because she is considered a waste of investment: she’ll get married soon and won’t be as productive because of household responsibilities. A woman is highly successful in her chosen career, and society thinks of her as selfish and probably a bad mother. A woman decides to take up non-traditional roles in society, and she is labeled sinful. Pray, tell, how should men who have taken up domestic roles be considered? Should we also call them unnatural and instruments of evil because they are preventing women from fulfilling their duties in accordance to a so-called natural law (whatever it is)? As it is, even men also suffer their own plight when it comes to domestic affairs. They are labeled as “ander de saya,” “ander ni kumander” and such derisive remarks.

Oppression is when a woman has not been made to realize her full potential as an individual. A loving wife and mother, yes. But that should not be the end of it. Instead, it should be the starting point for other roles and responsibilities, in the same way that her husband can excel in his endeavors because he has the support of his wife and family. Oppressive thinking is when you tell yourself that you should be content on just being a wife and mother of your children, fulfilling domestic roles because you’ll be awarded for your efforts in some remuneration out of this world instead of being encouraged to seek roles outside the home because you have skills and talents worthy of harnessing. Tell me why women have to be told about what they should wear, how they should act, how to serve their husbands, and how to behave according to some acceptable norm in society. Oppression is when your growth as an individual is stunted. Tell me what could be more unnatural when a woman with highly skilled mathematical abilities would be consigned to do menial tasks at home, her potentials untapped because she’s only a woman and must fulfill her duties at home.

I have devoted most of my life to harnessing my talent in my chosen field-unfortunately, a field dominated by men. There are virtually no role models I can identify with. And it’s not easy being the minority. More often than not, I wonder why I am even the minority, not them. But if we ever hope to change the situation, we must redefine our roles and ourselves. Let us start from the roots-let us encourage small girls to achieve and learn how to overcome the challenges. I have learned to expect that I would be identified with various roles, “mothering” and “wifing” among them. All of these roles will define me as an individual. I anticipate that the roads ahead as I balance my career and personal life will not all be rosy, and surely I will have to make priorities in order to apportion my time and effort. But hey, I won’t make myself a martyr about it. At least I’m living my life in full awareness of the infinite possibilities before me. I’m taking things as they come, grateful for every bit of experience, duty, responsibility, and loving the challenge as I always have. C’est la vie!*